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I have never read Tolkein's classic "Lord Of The Rings" trilogy - fantasy literature is a slow-starter for me. But these movies are really something special. First, they start with a really good story and the writing, acting, and production values are all top-notch. The movies make you believe that there are fire-breathing demons, powerful wizards, elves whose arrows approach the destructive power of a machine-gun nest, and so on. Most importantly, you come to believe that that tiny ring is the equivalent of a large nuclear arsenal with poison gas and ebola virus thrown in for good measure. If you are like me, and not previously a Tolkein fan, here's the basic story that I gleaned from the movie. (I would welcome corrections of fact from Tolkein fans.) In very ancient times, an extremely corrupt warlord fashioned a set of rings that held great power and evil. Some of them were worn by kings who were slowly corrupted into powerful demons, and the most powerful ring - his own - was severed from his hand and in time, lost. But his very personality and existence was bound up in the ring, and he waits, unsleeping, for the ring to be found. Several thousand years pass, and the world is peopled by humans, elves, dwarfs and hobbitts, all of whom are clearly humanoid but have different abilities and separate cultures. They tolerate each other. A hobbitt finds the ring at the bottom of a lake, and is killed by his brother who takes it for himself. Over time, the hobbitt is corrupted by the ring into a hideous monster (Gollum) who lives only to possess the ring. It falls into the hands of another hobbett, Bilbo Baggins, who keeps it hidden. The warlord Sauroman of the ring is beginning to re-emerge, raising up an army of mutants called "Orcs," who capture Gollum and torture the information out of him that Bilbo Baggins has the ring. Then they release Gollum and follow him. If Sauroman can posess the ring he can again take physical form and wreak absolute havok on the peaceful Middle Earth. This must be prevented no matter the cost. Bilbo retires and leaves the ring to his son, Frodo, who is told by the powerful wizard Gandolf that he must take the ring and throw it into the fires of Mount Doom where it was forged - this being the only place it can be destroyed. Only Frodo can carry the ring, for it would swiftly corrupt anyone else who carries it - even for Frodo it is a huge burden. Sauroman sends out the 9 witch-kings to find the ring. Frodo sets out to take the ring to Mt. Doom. In their path is every obstacle and hazard Sauroman can devise, though he is only vaguely aware of the ring's location. In addition he sends armies of orcs to destroy the peaceful kingdoms of the Earth. The human kingdoms, in particular, are led only by a weak, care-taker king, and a real king is desperately needed if humanity might survive. And this, leading up to the moment where someone is poised over mt. Doom with the ring (and possibly falling under its power before they can destroy it) is the fundamental conflict of the series. For sheer action and dramatic suspense, these movies make any Arnold Swartzenegger or James Bond movie look like "Mr. Rogers visits the crayon factory." There are more "Oh shit, we're as good as dead now!" moments than any other movies I have ever seen. But they're not just action flicks - the story has depth and feels more historic than legendary. You have a good reason to care what happens to the characters, and the fate of the whole Earth hangs in the balance. There are a few places - especially in the third movie - where you have the feeling that you've seen something like it before in Star Wars. But since I am told that these movies stuck pretty close to the books, which were written while George Lucas was still in diapers; he, not Tolkein, would be the plagerist (excuse me, "tribute artist.) In any case, the Star Wars movies are cartoons next to this series. Not that there's anything wrong with cartoons, or with plageri - er, tribute. I recommend you watch the movies on DVD in letterbox format, on a high-quality TV with a good sound system (not the TV speakers.) This is because the movies are each over 3 hours long and you will want to get up and move around. Spread your viewing out over a few days, or even one a week. Go back and watch crucial parts again. If your small children watch the movies, you MUST be with them. Do NOT use these movies as a baby sitter unless you want to spend the next several months comforting your kids from nightmares - and that may happen anyway. These movies are INTENSE. 14 things I learned from Lord of the Rings - Return Of The King in no particular order. (humor)
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